Ventura

Here is the (ALLEGED. - Gerty) bio of Ventura....

To start off with, my real name is Norman MacDonald MacArthur, I was (allegedly - Gerty) born on the 11th of November 1971 and before you say it or think it... yes .... Old MacDonald did have a farm. I don't, so you better take that thought out your noodle! :-)

I Work for one of the many distribution companies in Scotland that pay you to work hard (Not). W*****m M*rt*n Ltd that distributes wine, beers and spirits (In an all together legally approved manner, with absolutely NO LINKS TO THE MAFIA!! - Gerty). They give me a crap{(jobby, poo, shit or little) Choose appropriate phrase for your national language} wage and still expect the work finished at the end of every night. It's a (Legal - Gerty) job and it pays (in an all together legal way. - Gerty) for my bills (None of which feed any kind of non-legal activities or terrorist groups. - Gerty) with a bit of a squeeze.

My job consists of (This part has been deleted for the benefit of my client. - Gerty) and then we dispose of them.
I get to use the computer in work, its a big brown thing with loads of buttons and dials...it looks really cool!.

Anyway I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE IRC and I am not an addict, no I'm not!!! I'M NOT!!! look if you want to mess with me I'll get Mr. Big to (Once again the following text has been removed to protect the innoccent. - Gerty) and then we dispose of them.

IRC is needed for me to..er......er.....um......YES! Its needed for me to keep all my international contacts up to date about my (LEGAL!! - Gerty) activities.

I like watching all of the Star Trek series. And apart from being heavily involved in episodes of 'The X-Files' I still have time to (CENSORED. - Gerty) the F.B.I and (CENSORED: No matter how cute a fantasy it is. - Gerty) Scully. I also like 'Space Above and Beyond'(What a series!!! Phew!!) as well as 'The Simpsons', I reckon theres a little bit of Homer in us all.

I love watching 'Formula One' Grand Prix, watching the car's battling each other to the limit with potential injury or death around each corner. I also enjoy a good Ice Hockey match and a bit of Rugby as well as watching the Indy Car on Television.

My taste in music varies from Rock, to 80's, to Classical, to my all time favourite music 'Jean Michel Jarre'.

(The following section contains some information of a sensitive nature about my client....please don't laugh. - Gerty)
Well, I got the name Ventura from the film "Ace Ventura Pet Detective" (Allllllllllllrighty then). And not from my involvement in (LEGAL But distastefull - Gerty) activities using animals.
Most of my many friends are on irc, like Gerty, Ford, Efelump and McNasty. Ford and Gerty were the two responsible for starting me on irc. They are also known to leave channels in fits of laughter, so if you see them then say hi and dont forget to say 'Mine's a red custard cream with an indigo wrapper'. Then there is Morwenna, who also turns up on #Scotland. I usually e-mail her, hi Morwenna, she has a great sense of humour with great personality too, I mean what a great package!! She always puts a smile on my face.
There is someone on irc who is a special friend to me (In the legal sense of course -Gerty), she is called Claire (hi Honey) :-) Also on irc there is Patricia, Tnew, tdad, Derick, Paddy, Flossy, Ennoy, Iggy, Striker, Emmi and them maddies in Skye and (The following list of nicks have been removed to protect the not so innocent - Gerty) and to them I say hello and you still owe me fifty quid.

Well here's a thought for you, ever had a realy bizarre image of someone? Ask them what they think of you...'cause you'll find that they have a bizzarre image of you too, so when you get together it will be a wierd surprise. Heres another thought, wouldnt it be crap (jobby, shit, rubbish, smelly, rotten, bad, hellish....oh I give up) if you actually knew what everyone looked like on irc? Yeh I thought you'd agree. What d'ya mean get on with it....hey!! These are valid thoughts...FINE! Just you go ahead and say I'm waffling I don't care, well eat me......hey sue me!! (ignore that last bit - Gerty)

Anyway well that's it for the moment, but stay tuned for the next chapter :-) Hey you never know, you might be lucky enough or unlucky depending on what your point of view is, to see me on irc. Please say hi, I'm really nice....*sniffle* *singing* I'm so lonesome, I could die'*cry* *oscar winning performance* *raptuous applause*

Alternatively you can E-mail me and join my small but growing Fan club :-) Or else the cute baby seal gets it. (Just Joking)

Email address ventura@blackwolf1571.demon.co.uk
Ok Bye Bye now Alllllllrighty then.
(That'll be £1,000,000,000 please in lawyers fee's - Gerty.....p.s. Moo!)