OorWullie
Jings & help ma boab
I can think of only two possible reasons for your visit to this page. Firstly and probably the most likely, is that you're looking for pornography (apparently 50% of all WWW searches are for pornography - interesting eh?) and thought that oorwullie was some sort of advanced sexual position. If that's the case then you're even sicker than most people that I've met (even Pict or Cheesedip (sorry, Queasy!)) and you're certainly in the wrong place...probably (read on, just in case ). The other reason is that you've spoken to me on IRC and you're curious to know why any supposedly sane person would give themselves a ridiculous nickname like Oorwullie...and what is an Oor anyway? Well, for those of you in the first group my advice is to seek help now but if you're one of the IRC mob and fall into the second category then read on.............
In Scotland (which is my homeland, and proud of it I be) there are a number of very strange customs. There's the wearing of the skirt-like kilt, the eating of the strange furry creature known as the haggis, the mugging of the little old ladies and many many more. The strangest and most outrageous custom in Scotland, however, as any true Scot knows, is the reading of the sunday newspaper entitled 'The Sunday Post'. This newspaper is more of an institution than a good read (and its readers should be in an institution). People buy it cos they've always bought it, their grannies always bought it and their grannies' grannies before them! Nobody actually likes it but they have it delivered out of some demented and misguided sense of loyalty. Within the pages of this hallowed journal lurks a page known only as 'The Family Page' and it is within 'The Family Page' that you will find the answer to your quest. Aye, that's right............. (drum roll!!!!!!!)....... Oorwullie's a comic character. It's just an everyday tale of a small spikey-haired lad and his dealings with this rollercoaster we know as life (and PC Murdoch). All very innocent, twee even, the little scamp that he is!! So there ye have it, that's the original Oorwullie and the character I took as my role model. Why?? Gawd only knows. It was the first thing I thought of when I realised I had to give myself a nick - sad innit? But you know, the weirdest thing is that there's another Oor on IRC, or at least there was another one... I think he left before I joined. (which was June 1995 for interested parties). We're quite different though; as far as I know he named himself after the advanced sexual position !!!!!
Right, well that's the important stuff outta the way. Now for the really tedious bit - me in real life :(
My full name is Colin Loney.... kinda rolls off the tongue doesn't it (not!!!) It's a guid Scottish name in the sense that I'm Scottish and it's my name but to a non-Scot it probably doesn't sound very Scottish. That's cos it's Irish; apparently I have Norwegian and Irish ancestry, the latter being the country which consorted to lay this crap name on me! I ask ye?... Oor in the IRC world and Loney in the real world - I certainly wasn't blessed by the name fairy! More details? Okay, I'm 32 years young with the fertile mind of an eight year old and a body to match. Mind ye I'm a large fat git of an eight year old. I'm married to Alison nearly ten years and we have 23 kids - my mind's not all that's fertile! Actually, I've got to come clean here-I don't have any kids but I lied to make myself sound more interesting and worldly (what d'ye mean other-worldly?) We do have a dog though...a wee yappy Yorkshire terrier that occasionally ( when he feels like it and food's involved ) answers to the name of Gizmo. My hobbies are football (come on ye Gers!!), badminton (at which I am no mean player, even if I do say so myself) and PC-type things.
Work?? Who said that? Did someone swear? Did someone mention the w*** word? I w*** for the Medical Research Council (a govt. funded body) in a Virology lab. in Glasgow, which is also partly owned by Glasgow University. The research I'm involved in is ultimately aimed at treatment of Herpesvirus infections so I'm sure I could be useful to some of you out there. If ye're breaking out in sores all over and your friends are deserting you in droves just give me a call and I'll have ye sorted out in no time. I might add at this point that there are NO animals involved in any research done at my workplace so please don't send me a fire bomb!!!!
As I already mentioned (were you paying attention?) I've been IRCing since June. It started out as a way of keeping in touch with an old friend who's now working in a lab in Sweden (DrD) and kinda developed from there after I stumbled upon #Scotland. When I first started in #Scotland I very quickly realised that there were countless people with similarly sick senses of humour and little in the way of airs and graces - my kind of people. I try to IRC most lunchtimes but sometimes just don't have the time - I've gotta eat y'know. The nature of my work also means that there are times when I have to leave IRC quite suddenly to attend to some Herpes - related problem or other. I'm not ignoring you...honest.
So, that's about it. I congratulate you on staying awake this long and thank you for showing some interest. I've met lots of totally mad people on #Scotland, made lots of friends and had loadsa laughs. Long may it continue. See you all again soon :-)
PS. I leave you to mull over an old Gaelic proverb that goes something like
this:
"hawdry heedry ho gheal fookin chihuahua patella ghuoa heedry ho microwave"
This literally translates as :
"Your small dog is gnawing on my knee. Please remove it or I will have it for
my dinner! "
I'm not quite sure what message you can take from this but I find that keeping this phrase to mind always helps me to manoeuvre life's little obstacles (nobody said I was sane).
Och aye the noo
OorWullie
