Gerty
You all should remember the Burning of the udder suckers in 1989, and the campain for One Cow one Vote, this was merely the beginning, Now under the leadership of Gertrude T. Madkow, Cows are becoming household creatures. Can you remember the last time you opened the fridge and didnt see the friendly face of a Cow? Exactly, so you can see us Cows are never going to be opressed again. HAhahahahhahhahaHAHAHAHAahahahah Moo!
Now the big problem we in the CWANCA (Cows whom are needing cute alligators) movement are facing is repeated slurs from the Global media, Cows have not and never have placed bombs in reputed Farmers cars, Old MacDonald deserved everything he got, besides he was a drunken old man who did unspeakable things to animals. Old MacDonald had his farm, oer oer oooh.
ERM it would seem I have totaly missed the point in writing a bio again..erm. OH well who cares about REAL people? OK OK I shall share my information, the man in the Cow suit is none other than....dibleydo dibbleydo dibbleydo (Scoobey doo noises care of Waynes World) ..........
Grant F. Woolcott, the F is for Fridgemagnet...or something less exciting, hey maybe it could be fighter pilot, or Frigid or even Funny_faced_farty_freakazoidal_maniac yes thats it, F for what I just said.
OK I was born in 1975 in the glorious month of May, on the wonderful 21st day. I decided that I would be king on my third birthday, but alas my brother Simon said I could only be Queen coz he was king :-( . So after many similar dissapointments I decided he could never take away my cowness and I became GERTRUDE. He however, in an attempt to compete with me became Elephant, the competition was harsh, who could be more animal, well I gave up when it got to picking things up with our noses besides he crapped like an elephant and I couldnt crap like a cow :-(
Right well theres my background and now for my foreground, I warn you now it
is no Van Cough, Ethel Dorris maybe, Beethoven definately not.
I study occaisionaly at Glasgow University, it is located to the West side of
Glasgow city centre in the proud COUNTRY of Scotland, for those who aren't
familiar with the location of Scotland, its the COOL bit at the top end of
that place called England (the small city, ask Iggy, he lives there),
collectively they are called Great Britain or as we call it Scotland + others.
OK I like Fried egg sandwiches with ketchup, scrambled eggs, meat and erm
Barbie dolls, I hate Boys II Men, the male genitilia (What is it used for?)
and Goofy (What the hell is Goofy??? I mean Mickey is a mouse, Pluto is a dog,
and Donald is a F**king pain in the arse...but Goofy???). I also got heavilly
involved in the Scouting MOOvement, I was in the Scouting movement from
Beavers,
to Cub Scouts, to Scouts and then Venture Scout. I am now putting something
back
in to the unit in return for their kind years and harsh name calling, I am
LEADER
of Beavers (the youngest boys, aged 5 to 8).
I also have a passion for drama, and am currently to be found acting in two
different sociaties one called The Park Players, who are amatuer and a young
group who meet in Giffnock (Glasgow south side) every Wednesday at 7.30 pm in
the Park Church, the other is Eastwood Entertainers, a more established and
adult group who meet in Eastwood (Glasgow south side).
With The Park Players I have participated in 4 shows, one written and stolen
by me (Barman), Bats, Cinderella and Oklahoma. With Eastwood Entertainers I
have done Charlie Girl (I was a member in the chorus) and now I play the part
of Heinz in The Pajama Game. I have guested in other shows and thats about
that.
OK now I tell you how a Cow can irc, simple really, you take a Ford and ask nay beg for that program that scrolls lots and makes people laugh, he then places it in your account and tells you comands and the rest is history, or experiance as I like to call it :) Anyway I owe most of my toys to Ford and want to thank him in a big way, so help me out here, Any georgeous single females please email conneldt@dcs.gla.ac.uk and be gentle.
I have always been one to make ppl laugh (Or try damn hard to) and so a Cow
fitted my personality, yup I am sorry to smash your beliefs but Santa Claus
does not exist, I however do....I AM COW, Hear me MOO.
Have you met my Brother?? OI Simoof/Elephant/Bumface/what ever you are now ya
iltempered descendant of elephant. Anyway if you see him about say
hi....*whisper* just hide you children.
OK so I have mentioned Simoof and Ford, who next...Striker the man from OZ, the
Vampire from OZ who looked after me (if being kicked constantly off the channel
is being looked after), To him I pledge allegance and promise to do anything
within my power for him.
Then Ventura, my good friend up here in Scotland, to him I vow to speak to
online more often :)
Then theres is Iggy, a wee fat man from Liverpool, who's KINDNESS and TRUST
KNOWS NO BOUNDS, he was good to me and treated me like kow (my ass still aches
when I think of you ), with him I met Trouble : THE BABE, she is CRAZY, ZANY,
FUNNY and Australian.
Erm Cheesedip : NUTTER, CORRUPTIVE, FUNNY, Too damn clever and in Glasgow with
us.
And also McNasty of nine cats, one puppy and messy home. McNasty is one of the
best, nasty ppl on the net, he is excellent (where's me fiver?).
Erm Paddy, the nutter with the only highlighter pen in Skye, Flossy her with
the record for longest sentence without breathing and McPlaid the unseen but
missed.......then there are the other mentals from Skye, an assorted crew of
many....Angelina, Sony, Nessie, Dylan and Storr complete with map of Wales
tattoo on butt.......erm I forgot the rest sorry.
Duckie : Of the rolling stoneness, roaming and gathering no moss. The friendly
Duckie whose buff is worse than her quack.
Pozzy the princess, need I say more?
Emmi/ SunLite the super atrractive happy go lucky bringer of joy.
Tnew the radio waving super attracive model, with a huge heart of gold, and
more friends than she can possibley rememeber, or know.
Durham: Addict/ recovered/ re-infected and better for it :)
Aster, Fally, Picty-poo of the blue bummed variety.
Pixie!!!! MooCowMoo (Fellow Cow). Tired (ever sleeping).
Shotgunn, Scully, Muz, TinTin and STRIKER again. Erm and to all the others I
cant remember / spell I wish the very best and please don't kill me coz I'm
sorry and just plain ran out of memory........sorry.
OK Bye for now, rememeber speak to me online on channel #Scotland
Should you wish to email me heres my address 9360671w@udcf.gla.ac.uk
Gerty
